


con rubato

by moroodors



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Minor Jily, Muggle AU, band au, lily james and remus are in a band, post-school, they are all muggles, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 04:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18843820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moroodors/pseuds/moroodors
Summary: sirius black sees remus lupin on stage performing with his band and is smitten.





	con rubato

Sirius Black first saw Remus Lupin on stage.

It was in a dimly lit bar, squeezed between another bar and a pizza place. The bar wasn’t packed, but it wasn’t empty. Sirius had carved his place two feet away from the bar, leaning against the wall with a clear view of the elevated stage.

The stage was as creaky and as old as the rest of the place. The band on stage was lit up by yellow lights. The baby grand piano front and center with a microphone pushed into the face of the player. Sirius loved this bar for this reason; it always had a new band that no one’s heard of every friday. Most of the time, they had at least some talent but nonetheless were fun to listen to and meet afterwards. However, with this band, Sirius felt a different energy and could tell they were something special.

 Sirius had come here with his mate, Peter Pettigrew, but has since lost where he went. Sirius wasn’t that concerned, he was too busy looking at the band.

 The band, which dubbed themselves to be The Animals, were playing Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen, which, Sirius loved that band. There was a red-head on drums, bobbing her head along to the song. On guitar was a be-speckled man watching her, which caused a glare from the drums and a laugh from the guitar. It was the man on the piano that caught Sirius’s attention.

 A yellow light behind him made his hair appear to be golden. His broad shoulders moved with the music as he put his body into the vocals and playing the piano. He had a wide, crooked smile on is face as he sang. He moved his head in an almost violent manner that bounced the curls on his head. His long fingers danced across the piano keys, seemingly possessing minds of their own as they acted independently on the rest of his body.

 His voice was something else; something Sirius had never quite heard before. Hitting notes and staying on key and keeping up with vocals that Freddie Mercury made. Sirius would usually sing along to songs like this, but he found himself with his mouth shut, wanting to hear the voice of this pianist.  

 The song ended all too soon for Sirius’s liking. At the end, the singer - Sirius would later learn his name to be Remus Lupin - turned to the audience with a smaller smile on his face. “Thank you all. You’ve been lovely.” His accent showed stronger in his voice and surprised Sirius. His singing was loud and powerful but his voice was quiet, calculating, and careful. The whole band waved one last time and left stage.

 Sirius downed the last of his beer and set on his search for Peter. Peter often did this, scampered off places and then Sirius had to go find him, often finding him in the most precarious of places. Still thinking of the band, Sirius absentmindedly searched the corners of the bar, coming up fruitless. Sirius shook his head and decided on just leaving Peter, going outside and to around the corner to where he parked.

 However, in the parking lot, Sirius found Peter near the back of an old pick-up truck. As Sirius got closer, Sirius realized that Peter was talking to the band that was just on stage.

 Sirius stuffed his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket to avoid fumbling with them and swallowed his stomach back down. As he walked closer to Peter, he found it getting increasingly harder to walk as more time passed because of the wiggly feeling in his legs.  

 “Hey,” Sirius says as he gets over to them, clearing his throat to try and rid of his shaky voice, “Hey, Pete,” he tries again, “You left me in the bar.” He turns in what he hopes is a casual manner towards the band, trying catch the singer’s eyes but ends up just catching the guitarist’s instead, as the singer is talking with the drummer, “You guys were amazing, by the way.”

 “Thanks,” The guitarist says, with a genuine smile that causes his tooth to catch on the side of his lip. “Your friend here was just saying how great we are too.”

 “James,” The drummer says as her water cup makes contact with the side of the guitarist’s -James’- head, “Don’t be an arse.”

 “What?” James laughs, “I was saying what happened.” The drummer shakes her head with a smile threatening to bloom  and continues her conversation with the singer.

 “Sorry Sirius,” Peter says with big eyes, turning to Sirius, “I didn’t mean to! I just got distracted… And then I saw the band and I had to talk to them! I really am sorry.” Peter was now shaking as he waited for Sirius’s response.

 Sirius held a hand out towards Peter, “Relax, Pete. Don’t wet yourself. It’s no big deal, just don’t do it again, asshole.”

 James laughed and Sirius turned towards him, “But seriously, you guys were amazing. I especially loved Don’t Stop Me Now. I love Queen.”

 “Really?” The singer says, popping into the conversation from where he was lounging in the back on the truck, a long leg stretched in front of him as he held the other closer to his chest. He sounds interested and Sirius’s heart feels like it was just jump-started, pounding hard against his chest. “What’s your favorite song?”

 “Killer Queen.” Sirius says automatically.

 “We Are The Champions,” the singer says in response. He gives what could be an approving nod towards Sirius.

 “Do you guys have anything I can listen to you on?” Sirius asks, thinking about the singer’s voice- never really have stopped thinking about it, actually.

 “Nope, sorry,” The drummer says, with a small smile, “We appreciate the want, though.”

 Sirius feels like the band is slipping through his fingertips. He can’t just have tonight be the only time he hears them, so he acts on impulse. “I can get you guys a gig at my family’s club, if you guys wanted.”

 The Black family owned one the high-profile clubs for the exclusive near the center of town. They had music playing there every night. Usually they were jazz people and the like, but Sirius was set to be the next owner of the club, he could probably pull some strings.

 “Thanks, but no thanks.” James said, “We don’t want to be playing out of some basement you call a club.”

 “James,” The drummer hisses out as Peter, who has caught on to what Sirius was planning, exclaims, “It’s the Ursa Major Club!”

 “Wait, what?” James says, straightening up from his slouched position against the side of the truck. “What’d you say your name was, kid?”

 “Sirius Black,” Sirius says, also feeling the need to straighten and doing so, “My parents own Ursa Major.”

 James stands up now, looking with wide eyes towards the rest of his band, “Are you guys hearing this?”

 Normally, Sirius didn’t like to be associated with his family. His family was a high-profile family that excluded a lot of people from their club on the pretense of wanting it to be only for Very Important People. He didn’t want to just be handed the club and have to adhere to his family rules. He wanted to work for something and make something that was his own. However, it was situations like this one that made being a Black easier to swallow.

 “I’m James Potter,” James says, grabbing Sirius’s hand and shaking it violently. “This is Lily Evans and Remus Lupin,” He continues, pointing towards them each in turn.

 The drummer, Lily, stands up now too. “Are you sure about this? This is big and you don’t have to.”

 Sirius smiles, “I am sure.” A smile envelopes Lily’s face and she gets a handshake from her too.

 Remus appears in front of Sirius next, looking towards Sirius with a look that Sirius can’t really make out. Sirius notes that Remus is a good amount of inches taller than him. Closer, Sirius can also see the freckles painting constellations on Remus’s face and the forest eyes studying him.

 “Thank you. We haven’t been able to get an actual gig, so this means a lot. It’ll be nice working with you, Sirius.” Remus smiles a wide, full smile and holds his hand out and it’s rough in the best way when Sirius shakes it and Sirius’s head is flooded with the sound of how his name sounded out of Remus’s mouth and the fact that Sirius can help this band he’s already in love with and Sirius swears that if he died in this moment, he’d die happy.

-

Sirius’s parents aren’t happy when they hear that Sirius picked up a band from a bar to play at their club. He gets a few glares from his brother, Regulus, about needing to listen to their parents because they knew what they were doing. But Sirius doesn’t care. He’s floating on cloud nine like when he was a teenager and he feels alive. 

-

The band and Sirius meet up together at Ursa Major a few days later in the day time when it’s closed so that they can discuss details and the band can see the stage. Sirius is standing in front of the stage with his arms on his hips when they walk in, Sirius being alerted of their presence only by the wolf whistle James gives.

 “Damn,” James says, walking up and stopping next to Sirius, “This is nice.”

 “Thanks again, Sirius,” Lily smiles out, appearing on the other side of Sirius.

 Remus hums and glides over to the other side of James. Sirius notes that he’s wearing a slightly oversized sweater and jeans that are slightly too short for his long legs. The too-large neck of the sweater dips down and Sirius can see one of Remus’s collar bones jutting out and it causes Sirius have to swallow and hope that the others can’t feel the heat coming off of his face. “You guys like it?” Sirius asks, suddenly self-conscious.

 “Like?” James face breaks out into a smile and he throws an arm around Sirius’s shoulders, “We love it, man.”  

 Sirius smiles too and gestures towards the stage, “Well, I have it set up so we can test each instrument. We don’t usually get actual bands in here so we’ll have to test these instruments to see if they still work.”

 Remus moves first, casually stepping onto the stage that would take Sirius considerably more effort to get on to. He runs his fingers across the black grand piano that sits center stage. “Wow, this is beautiful.” Remus makes a lap around the piano before he sits at the bench, pushing back the cover and arching his back, pushing back his sleeves (exposing forearms that Sirius swears stops his heart for a moment)  and wiggling his fingers.

 James groans and slaps a hand to his forehead, “He always does this.”

 Remus plays a quick run of Chopsticks and then runs his finger from one end to the other. Sirius tries to make his intent staring not obvious. “Sounds good,” Remus assesses afterwards. James and Lily test their instruments without any trouble.

 They then sit at a booth and discuss a set list and other details such as how much Sirius will be paying them (Remus tried refusing, saying Sirius was doing them enough of a favor with the exposure and the opportunity. This only increased the like Sirius had for Remus). They were to begin with a Rocket Man played by Remus on the piano to warm up the crowd and finish with a song that Sirius doesn’t know but they all insist is great, so Sirius trusts them.

 “See you later,” Remus says, somewhat shyly at the end of the meeting, cheeks with a tint of pink from reasons that Sirius can’t figure out (Sirius was just joking with James the moment before, the pair of them bursting into a laughter that lasted entirely too long. Remus had just been whispering with Lily, Lily sending some pointed looks towards Sirius during it. Remus had come out with pink cheeks and Sirius couldn’t figure out why). Sirius can’t help but note how good pink looks on Remus and the way his curls are flopping over his forehead and Sirius swears he’s about to combust.

-

Sirius is splayed out on Regulus’s bed, staring rather depressedly at the ceiling.

 “Reg, I think I’m in love.”

“Sirius, you’ve only seen her, what? Two times? And you won’t even tell me who she is.”

 Sirius thinks of Remus’s crooked smile. “They go beyond explanation. Any words will not even begin to capture their utter brilliance.”   

Regulus rolls his eyes with a playful smile and turns back to his work at his desk. “Or, you’re an idiot, drama queen.” 

-

The day of the performance, Sirius opens his door to be greeted by a James Potter.

 He’s breathing hard like he’s just run here, his reddening of his dark skin providing further evidence towards this fact. Without greeting, James asks, “You play bass?”

 Sirius doesn’t question how James knows where he lives. He shakes his head, “Nope.”

 James curses, “Piano?”

 “A little,” Sirius says with a cross of his arms, “I could win third place in a children’s talent show, but definitely tenth place if it was a teen talent show. Why?”

James huffs loudly and shoulders past Sirius into Sirius’s house and flings himself on his couch. “Well, we were practicing and we’ve all decided that one song will sound a lot better with a bass too, but we don’t have anyone for the job, so Remus was like ‘Oh, ask Sirius’ so I was like, ‘Alright,’ so then I came and asked you.”

 Sirius tried to stop his mind from over-thinking Remus talking about him as anything more than friendly, but found it rather difficult. “Peter can play the saxophone, if that helps at all.” James just snorts in response.

 Sirius grabs one of James’ legs and tosses it so he has a place to sit. “Why don’t you make the song acoustic or a piano version?”

 James looks as if he just ate something sour, “The day I play an acoustic guitar is the day I die.” His face relaxes a little, “I’ll just tell Remus that you’re forcing him to play a piano version of it.”

 Sirius was so stricken with a panic of whether or not to deny that (of course, Sirius wanted Remus to play more piano but he didn’t want to force Remus to do it) that he didn’t even have time to say anything before James sprinted out of the door.

- 

There’s half an hour until the performance and the band is getting ready backstage.

 Sirius is on the floor, gliding from one table of well-dressed people to the next, not really taking anything in. He’s a flurry of fumbling fingers and forced chuckles. His parents’ stares are sending sweat down his back and the pressure from Regulus to do a good job is threatening to crush him. He’s desperately nervous and has worked it enough so that he believes his entire budding friendship he’s created with the band is relying on how good of a performance they have.

 It feels like it entirely too hot inside the club and Sirius feels as if really has no right to be this worked up but he is so he says, “Excuse me,” in the middle of some older woman’s story about her trip to Paris, “I need to go to the loo.”

 “It’s fine, Sirius. Calm down,” Sirius mutters to himself as he runs a hand through his long hair. He takes a deep, shuddering breath as he opens the bathroom door, but it gets caught in his throat and he has to cough because there is the Remus Lupin standing in front of the sink, hands gripping hard onto each edge.

 Remus looks like he’s having a rough time too, that he attempts to hide with a straightening of his back and a trembling smile that really only quirks up one side of his mouth. “Oh, hey Sirius,” He shakily says in a way that might be considered casual in a foreign dimension.

 “Remus!” Sirius bounces out, his jitteriness only increasing exponentially from before and he’s terrified. He can feel the importance of this situation in his bones; it feels like a Critical Moment where Sirius can practically see the fork in the road of his life and Sirius just has to choose the right ways to go the right directions but he doesn’t have a Map. But, he wasn’t called an impulsive idot in school for nothing, so he swallows his fears and anxieties and lets his impulses make the decisions. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

 Sirius can see Remus collapse back into what he was before. He turns away from Sirius and to the mirror, staring hard at himself. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s great, actually. I’ve just never played in front of such an important crowd before.”

Sirius doesn’t really consider their friendship (if it’s even that yet) close enough so that they can confide in each other but maybe that’s what makes it easier. “Yeah, I’m nervous too. I’ve never gotten a band to play here before, and I’m expected to own this place someday, so my parents are really expecting me to do good.”

 Remus gives a little laugh and Sirius can see his shoulders relax ever so slightly, “But no pressure on me, right?”

 Sirius finds the side of his mouth melting off the nervous energy and finding a smile. “Yeah, no pressure.”

 Remus sighs off the amusement and returns to his frowning. “Just,” He seems unable to find words for a moment and it’s so unlike what Sirius has seen of Remus before that Sirius almost feels the need to blush at the vulnerability. “These are the people that my mum always said to avoid. That these are the high-class people that always put down the lower-class people just trying to live. That these are the people who will step on as many toes as they need to to get to the top. That these are the people that tell people like me that they will never amount to anything.”

 Sirius is walking closer before he has time to think about it. He lays a hand on Remus’s back and he jumps at the contact, but Sirius keeps his hand there and rubs circles. After a few heartbeats of silence, Sirius speaks, “You just have to prove them wrong, right?”

 “What?” Evidently, that wasn’t what Remus was expecting to hear.  His head jerks to look at Sirius standing behind him and Sirius can see the tears that were swimming in Remus’s eyes.

 Sirius shrugs, a tentative smile enveloping his whole face, voice starting quiet and gradually getting louder, “You have to stand up there and show them that despite whatever, you’re standing up there with an awesome band to perform at one of the most snooty of clubs in London. You have to go up there and tell all those high-class fuckers to suck it!”

 Remus gives a look to Sirius than he can’t really make out. But, it’s gone in a flash and Remus raises an eyebrow, “Aren’t you one of those high-class fuckers?”

 “Only when I can benefit from it,” Sirius says with a wink and that creates a laugh out of Remus that leaves Sirius needing to stare at Remus for a moment, open-mouthed in disbelief (He, Sirius Orion Black had just caused Remus -Something- Lupin to laugh. A beautiful laugh that sent cocoons to crack and butterflies to beat their wings against Sirius’s stomach; Sirius feeling as if he just got of some rollercoaster like when he was younger).

 However, Sirius didn’t have much time to think about as Remus throws his arms around Sirius’s neck. Remus pushes his face into Sirius’s neck and has to bend a considerable amount to do so and Sirius reckons they look rather silly. Sirius, very loosely, puts his arms around Remus’s middle, rather awkwardly as Sirius is not the most experienced when it comes to hugs. But, his nerves feel like they were just ignited into life, burning inside him, veins as gasoline spreading the fire around to his whole body. He feels light-headed, and all too-aware of his body and Remus’s body and the contact they are making. Where their skin is touching feels impossibly hot, like there are molten bubbles just lingering beneath the surface, about to boil over. Also, Remus is cold. So cold, soothing the burns he’s making on Sirius’s body and Sirius feels as if a piece he didn’t know was missing has just slipped into place.

 “Thank you, Sirius. This has helped a lot,” Remus mumbles into Sirius’s neck, Sirius feeling the vibrations more than hearing Remus. Sirius can only find the means to nod in response. Even when Remus is done talking, Sirius can feel the vibrations in his neck, reverberating throughout him and rattling his bones, his brain, his heart. Sirius notes how much better his names sounds coming out of Remus’s mouth rather than Regulus’s, his parents’, or anybody else. Sirius doubts he can ever get tired of hearing Remus say his name.

 All too soon, the hug is over (Sirius also notes how pathetic that sounds. He should hug people more) and Sirius is left feeling very cold, but Remus smiles at him again and he feels a little warmer. They’re both silent like awkward teenagers, the bathroom silent save for the sound of pee from someone Sirius didn’t see come in.

 “Well, I’ll see you around,” Remus says, his cheeks pink again for some reason that Sirius can’t figure out and Remus shakes his curls with a slender hand.

 Remus is at the door before Sirius gets his wits. “Wait!” He calls and Remus stops halfway out, looking at Sirius with wide expectant eyes and there’s so much Sirius wants to say. There’s so much emotion he’s feeling for this person that he really knows nothing about and it’s scary but Sirius can’t find words that are right or strong enough or anything. But, Sirius just smiles and says “See you around, Remus,” because that means they will meet again. Sirius will be graced with Remus’s presence yet again and Sirius doesn’t know how he’s that lucky.

 There’s a quick nod from Remus, a small sighting of teeth in his smile, and Remus sweeps out of the bathroom before Sirius can see anything else and Sirius floats there on cloud nine until a person grumbles for him to get out of the way of the sink a few minutes later.

-

On the way out of the bathroom, Sirius finds James peeking around a corner and watching where Remus and Lily are talking.

 “Oh, good, Sirius,” James sighs out, grabbing Sirius as he was mid-stride and spinning him over and grabbing Sirius’s shoulder to steady him afterwards. “I need your emotional support.”

 “I should really charge for all these therapy sessions I seem to be doing,” With a curious glance from James, Sirius explains, “Just spoke with Remus in the bathroom.” Which gains an eyebrow raised from James.

 James lets it fall a moment later with a wave of his hand, “Whatever, I don’t want to know. Just help me listen to Lily.”

 Sirius does as he is told and it’s this moment when he considers how quickly he gained a friendship with James, not that he’s complaining. James seems to have a magnetic personality.

 In the lull of their conversation, they hear Lily say, out of context, “Any man that plays acoustic is hot.”

 James shares a quick wide-eyed look with Sirius before bursting out of his hiding spot, a confident smile plastered on his face, “Great news, Rem!” He calls out and throws an arm around Remus’s shoulders, Sirius watching from their corner spot, “I’m going to play that one song we discussed as acoustic, so you can have a break for that song.”

Remus crosses his arms and gives a calculating glare to James, “I thought you hated acoustic.”

 James acts like he is insulted and even loudly gasps with a hand over his heart, “Why, can’t a man do something nice for his best friend so he can have a break during his very tiring performance?”

 Remus rolls his eyes and Sirius watches as they all make their way behind stage. Sirius has to remind himself to take a breath as the performance is about to begin.

-

Breathless after their first song, Sirius finds himself jamming his fingers onto the small buttons of the phone inside the phone booth sat outside his parents’ club. He listens to his own breathing for a moment before Peter picks up the phone with a groggy, “Hullo?”

 “Shut up, Peter,” Sirius snaps out, not meaning it, “I’m in love.”

 “Oh, it’s the Remus fellow, right?” Peter just sounds very tired.

 Sirius switches the phone to his other hand and puts a hand on his hip, “I don’t like the tone you have, young man. I’m very serious.”

 “Forgive me, It’s just that you know nothing about him, it hasn’t even been a month yet. What’s his favorite color?”

 “I don’t know,” Sirius sighs out, looking at the roof of the phone booth, “Probably something lovely like yellow because it was his mum’s favorite color or something beautiful like that.” Sirius kicks at some trash on the ground and mumbles the next bit, “I know mine is green now because of his damn eyes.”

 “Sirius,” Peter sounds tired again, “You can’t say things like that. You’re gonna scare him away.”

 “I can’t help it!” Sirius says louder and someone looks at him so he turns around and faces the other way. “I can feel it, he’s different. Something special.”

 Peter either yawns or sighs into the phone, it’s hard to tell. “Just be careful, Sirius. We both know your parents will hate to find you with a boyfriend, from a band nonetheless. Make sure he’s worth it.”

 Sirius looks up and can see a sliver of the inside of the club through the front doors of Remus singing to the audience, shining like a star. “Yeah, I will, Pete. Thanks.”

-

 All throughout the acoustic song that James does, Remus got to move around on stage. He moved around with a grace that left Sirius transfixed. Sirius was sure it was his overactive fantasies that caused him to feel like Remus was singing to Sirius throughout the song, lamenting about a lover.

-

 As the performance ends, everything moves in a flurry. People revolve around Sirius with congrats for picking a good band or with complaints that don’t matter. Some go up to the band and eventually everyone trickles out and very suddenly Sirius finds himself in an empty club with a Remus Lupin sitting rather contemplatively at the piano.

 Sirius vaguely remembers his parents telling him to finish cleaning up and Regulus telling him that the band wasn’t that bad but that doesn’t seem all that important right now. Sirius steps up onto stage and sits next to Remus on the piano bench.

 Sirius pokes at the piano keys and produces an echoing sound in the quiet club. “Where did Lily and James go?”

 “They left,” Remus says, watching Sirius’s hands, “Lily said she was tired so James offered her a ride home. In our band’s truck. Without me.”

 Sirius laughs and gives Remus a playful bump with his shoulder, “Don't worry, I’ll give you a ride home on my bike.” And Remus flashes Sirius a smile before going back to staring down at the piano. After a moment, his hands creep up and start playing a song that Sirius doesn’t recognize.

“So,” Sirius says, dragging out the o, and putting his own hands on the piano, pushing keys at random, “Tell me about yourself, Mr.Lupin.”

 Their shoulders brush each other. “What do you want to know, Mr.Black?”

 Sirius swallows, “What gets you up in the morning? What do you believe in? What’s your favorite book? What’s your first memory you remember? Did you have any childhood pets? Anything really.” Sirius finished with his finger accidentally finding Remus’s. He moves it away quickly.

 “What gets me up in the morning…” Remus hums as he thinks, hands moving to the highest notes on the piano and then walking back to more of the middle, “Usually my alarm clock.” Sirius gives a small chuckle at that, “Actually, sometimes it can be really hard. I can get caught up in my thoughts and not have the motivation to get out of bed. But, eventually, I remember the good times I’ve had and the people that I love and that’s what gets me out of bed.” Remus finishes with a quick smile aimed at Sirius. “What about you?”

 Sirius doesn’t answer for a handful of heartbeats, thinking about Remus’s response to his question. “It varies day to day. Sometimes it can be people that I love, like you said. Sometimes it can be me wanting to prove people wrong or other things of that nature. Or simply wanting to see where the day takes me.”

Sirius finds a new question after some silence, “What is the first song that pops into your head right this moment? No thinking.”

 Remus does take a moment to think, and Sirius loves his cheekiness. But, he straightens his back and wiggles his fingers before playing a tune on the piano, singing softly as to only let Sirius hear and Sirius has to admire the control he has over his voice. “ _She comes in colors everywhere… She combs her hair… She’s a rainbow._ ”

 Sirius laughs as Remus returns slowly to the tune he was playing before. “Who’s that by?”

 “Rolling Stones,” Remus says with a nod towards Sirius, “One of their more lesser known songs.”

 “Do you want children?” Sirius responds immediately, suddenly thinking it.

 Remus doesn’t show any surprise at Sirius’s random question. “There’s a lot of bad things about that world that I don’t want to force upon a child. So, I want to say no; but, then I see their lovely little faces and their little arms and little legs and little fingers and little toes and their laughs and even their cries and I can’t help myself. In short, I can see myself either having or adopting children in the future.”

 It’s such a honest answer and Sirius can’t help but like Remus even more than he had before, which he didn’t think was possible. “Yeah,” Sirius breathes out, still dazed from Remus, “I can see myself adopting if I find the right person.” Remus hums a note in response.

 “What’s your favorite season?” Sirius asking the question as soon as he thinks it.

 “Winter,” Remus responds without thinking, “It’s nice to stay in a warm place with sweaters and a hot drink when it’s cold outside. Also, it’s an excuse to stay home and listen to music and read. And the holiday season is nice because you get to see people you haven’t seen in a while.”

 Sirius is loving every aspect of him. “I like summer. I like riding home on my motorcycle with the wind on my face and staying late with friends and drinking under the late night.”

Remus then yawns with a wide mouth and arms stretching high above him and Sirius thinks it’s adorable. But he just says, “I’m quite the bore, aren’t I?” with a smile to show he doesn’t mean it.

 “Ah, yes,” Remus says sarcastically, “I can barely keep my eyes open.”

 “C’mon,” Sirius says, spinning around in his seat and standing up. “I’ll take you home.” Sirius holds a hand out to Remus and Remus takes it, standing up. Remus’s hand felt freezing, and like a live wire, sending electricity to Sirius’s heart and jump starting it. Remus is so sure and opinionated and great and lovely and Sirius likes him more and more with every action and word he says and passing moment and Remus is standing there, looking down at Sirius with wide, expectant eyes for Sirius to say something and Sirius just likes Remus so much and so he says, “You can use my helmet,” with a small upturn of his lips.

 -

 Sirius uses his spare helmet that is just slightly too tight on his head, but it’s a small price to pay. The cold air stings his face and tossels his hair but he can only think of Remus, and his arms around Sirius’s middle. Long, elegant fingers clasped together in Sirius’s front, a slight push of weight from Remus behind him. It is nothing more than can be considered friendly, if not a little hesitant at first, but Sirius can’t help but smile at the mere fact that he gets to have any kind of relationship with this man that he realizes is more wonderful everytime he sees him.

 -

 Remus stands in front of his flat, hair wonderfully messy from the helmet and slightly out of breath. His cheeks have that wonderful pink again and Sirius thinks it has to be from the cold.

 “Thanks Sirius, for the ride,” Remus pauses, looking at some place behind Sirius, “And, well, everything.”

 He seems flustered again. Sirius smiles and waves his hand, “Ah, it was my pleasure. You are great.” Sirius feels his face get very warm as he realizes what he said. “You guys are great.” He gives a nervous chuckle that doesn’t help anything and scratches the back of his head for lack of something else to do.

 Remus clears his throat and there’s a moment of awkwardness that passes before Remus speaks. “It’s getting pretty late, and it’s not good to drive this late, especially since you have been working. Do you want to spend the night here?”

 Sirius can’t believe his ears. He doesn’t even feel tired right now, just a certain buzzing feeling. “Yes,” Sirius says without having to think about it. Sure, there is potential for Remus to still be a murderer, but at this point, Sirius is willing to take the chances.

 Remus smiles something like he was expecting Sirius to say no. “Okay,” He says and pauses. “Okay,” He repeats, with a smile at Sirius before he breaks eye contact and turns around to his front door, grabbing his keys out of his pocket. He opens the door and follows Sirius inside. “Alright, I’ll get you sleep stuff. You can go over there on the couch.”

 It was a small place - the living room and kitchen part of one room, a door with what Sirius assumes is the bathroom and a short hallway that has another door that Remus goes into, so Sirius figures that is his bedroom. There’s a small couch, next to an old wooden desk and a small dining table. All the surfaces seem to be covered in a messy, charming way. There’s several bookshelves but those all seem to be full, so there are various books around the room. Music sheets seem to be scattered everywhere, thick books and single slices of paper, some containing notes in a messy scrawl, some not.

 The place as a whole, Sirius finds very lovely.

 Remus emerges in his pajamas with an armload of blankets and pillows, which he dumps on the couch. His pajamas are a simple loose-fitting t-shirt and shorts but Sirius swears he can walk the runway in that outfit.

 He hands Sirius a similar outfit, “Here are some clothes. And, do you mind sleeping on the couch? I don’t really have any other place.”

 Sirius drags his eyes away from Sirius and to the couch, that he now can see looks to be very old. “I don’t mind,” He nods. “Thanks,” He adds, afterwards. Sirius looks up again and sees that Remus was already looking at him and they share a shy smile. “I’ll go get dressed.” And Sirius does just that.

 He comes back out in clothes that are slightly too big and tosses the clothes he was wearing on the ground, throwing himself on the couch amist blankets and next to Remus. “I like your place.”

 Remus looks at him and smiles, and Sirius can never tire of the butterflies feeling it gains from that simple action. “Thanks,” Remus says softly, “It took awhile to get to where it was really me, but now I really like it.”

 That’s a cute answer and Sirius is feeling good, so he goes bold. He scoots over closer to Remus and leans his head on his shoulder. Sirius can feel Remus stiffen, but then relax, and Sirius slides into a much more comfortable spot on his shoulder and Sirius can feel his heart beat start to drum faster. He can’t help the smile that comes to his face.

 “Why are you smiling?” Remus asks in a quiet voice.

 Sirius doesn’t know whether to go with a real answer or not, so he settles with somewhere in the middle. “I’m really glad I saw your band.”

 Remus chuckles mostly with his shoulders, so there’s not much sound, but Sirius can feel Remus against his head. “Don’t let James hear you say that it’s my band. He’ll have an aneurysm.”

 Sirius laughs and they settle into a comfortable silence. Sirius isn’t used to this: simply being quiet with someone and it feeling okay. Usually it was always awkward or a forced feeling. But this felt natural. A fear drifts into the space between his bones and he feels like a toddler holding a glass vase. He doesn’t want to shatter what he and Remus have, but what do they have really? They barely know each other and being with Remus has only taught Sirius that he really has no idea what to do in regards to relationships.

 “I can hear your thoughts from here,” Remus says suddenly, and Sirius startles, relaxing again at the smile Remus always seems to have for Sirius. “What are you thinking about?”

 Sirius looks up at Remus and Remus looks down at Sirius. Sirius decides in that moment that he needs to stop worrying about those other things. Who cares about their timeline compared to other people’s. Only the people in that relationship should feel if it’s going too fast or not. Sirius moves his head up, closer to Remus’s, slowly, his eyes traveling from Remus’s to his lips.

After a heartbeat, Remus moves his head down, closer to Sirius’s and Sirius is unable to think, thoughts evaporating from his mind, and his is solely in the present. Their lips touch just the slightest bit, a simple grazing of air between them. They press closer and it’s awkward at first. They both start to lean the same way at first and then correct it with a smile and breathy laugh. Sirius practically throws himself on Remus, straddling him where he sits, moving fast enough so that they bump heads with another laugh.

 -

 Sirius wakes up the next morning, naked under a mountain of blankets with Remus in his arms. Remus was still asleep, mouth slightly open and face pressed against Sirius’s chest. Sirius takes in the sight in front of him: an early morning light drifting through the window, the rising and fall of Remus’s chest, Remus’s flop of curls splayed magnificently like a crown, and the stillness of the room. It feels unreal. Sirius smiles and hugs Remus tighter, closing his eyes and falling back into a peaceful sleep.

 -

 Sirius wakes again to the sound of soft guitar playing.

 He blinks his eyes open and sees Remus sitting, perched in front of the window, a guitar in his lap. He’s shirtless, playing a song that Sirius doesn’t recognize.

 “I didn’t know you played,” Sirius groggily murmurs to Remus, who looks over, suddenly seeming sky.

 “Yeah,” He shrugs, “In some ways, it’s like a sideways piano.”

 Sirius laughs at his response and stands up, finding the shorts that Remus let him borrow on his way over to Remus, standing behind him and pressing a kiss to his freckled shoulder.

 Remus stops playing a turns his head back and up to look Sirius in the face. Sirius tries to not be distracted by his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I don’t know if I can be in a relationship, Sirius.”

 Sirius’s surprise and hurt must have been evident on his face because Remus hastily continues. “I know we have very accepting friends, but I don’t know if I handle the stress of being in a relationship and hiding it from the public.”

 Shit, Sirius forgot that people were a thing. Sirius nods, looking at the floor. “I understand.” He can’t really find it in himself to say more and know it’s unfair. He got his hopes up to high and Remus is making an extremely valid point. Either of them could be killed if they are not careful and not being in a relationship was the smartest decision.

 Remus grabs Sirius’s hand and Sirius looks back up at him. “Sirius, it’s really not you. I like you. Very much so.” He gets a teasing smile as he adds, “But the world’s not ready for us yet.”

Sirius snorts and matches Remus’s smile. “You really know the perfect words to make a man’s heart flutter.”

 Remus blushes and looks away. Sirius doesn’t miss the smile he’s trying to hide. “Please, let’s try to remain as just friends. I don’t know if my heart can take anything more.”

 Ouch. That hurt. They just had a beautiful night together and Remus talks of it like it was nothing. Maybe it was nothing to him. Sirius nods again, trying to hide his disappointment. He felt like he was actually having his dream realized but then reality had to come strolling back in. Sirius turns around and picks up his clothes around the room, pulling on his shirt and jeans and sloppily pushing his shoes on his feet. “Okay. I get it. Just friends.”

 Sirius knows he’s being unfair and that’s the worst bit of it all. He can’t help it. He walks outside and mounts his motorcycle, quickly snapping his helmet on his head.

 “Sirius!” Sirius looks up to see Remus in his doorway, leaning on the door jamb. “You know where I live. Don’t be a stranger. This hurts me too.”

 Sirius nods in response and drives off.

 -

 Almost an entire fortnight later, Sirius finds himself in Remus’s flat, with James, Lily, and Peter for a game night. They’re playing games and placing bets with no weight but Sirius can’t help but feet the heavy awkwardness between him and Remus. Remus spends the entire night looking like he wants to say something to Sirius, but doesn’t say anything and Sirius spends most of the night cursing at himself for his inability to just be friends with Remus. He thought he could do it, but now he just feels pathetic.

 -

 It’s a full month when they finally confront their problems.

 They are at James’s house this time - something shamelessly large well-furnished. Lily peers over her beer and points at Sirius and then at Remus, who had both said nothing to each other the entire night so far, “So, what’s going on with you two?”

 “Yeah,” James agrees, ever-eager to have something to agree with Lily on, “You both were buddy-buddy but now aren’t talking. Did you think we weren’t going to notice or something?”

 Sirius looks up at Remus, who was already looking at him and looks back down, not trusting himself. “Nothing happened.”

 “Bullshit,” Lily gives a pointed look at Remus, who sighs.

 “I saw we were becoming too close and decided it would be best for both of us if that didn’t happen.” Remus raises an eyebrow at both Lily and James, “I didn’t realize that this was therapy.”

 James gasps, “Did you guys fuck?”

 Peter, who has been silent thus far, gasps in reaction. “What?”

 Sirius blushes and Remus answers, “Yes.”

 “James!” Lily scolds, “You can’t just asked them if they fucked. Did you parents show you any manners at all?”

 James ignores Lily. “I’m assuming that Remus cancelled things because of his constant needless worrying, huh?”

 Lily glares at James, “Needless worry? I say it’s valid. Have you not seen the news at all for the last seventy years?”

 “Hey guys,” Sirius says quietly and James and Lily shut themselves up quickly, “I appreciate you both wanting to help, but I think Remus and I need to figure out our relationship for ourselves.”

 James stands up and drags Lily up too. “Well, don’t let us stop you!” He gives a final wave before dragging Lily to the other room, a confused looking Peter following after them.

 There is a long, awkward silence that follows.

 “Remus,” Sirius is the first to make a move, “I have feelings for you and I don’t think I can ignore them in favor of just a friendship.”

 “Are you willing to wait?”

 Remus’s question catches Sirius off guard. “What do you mean?”

 Remus takes a few seconds to think. “Lily, James, and I go to a lot of protests. I especially go to the ones in favor of legalizing homosexual marriage that have started to happen. Those are the ones that helped change the law the made just dating another man a crime.”

 Sirius was still confused. “What are you trying to say?”

 Remus speaks slowly, contemplating each word. “I’m trying to say that change is happening. It’s slow and nowhere near _good_ but there is change happening. Are you willing to wait for me until things are better?”

 Again, Sirius thinks of how little he really knows about Remus; however, at the same time, Sirius finds that he doesn't really care. “Yes,” He says, without hesitation.

 Remus smiles for the first time in the conversation and it doesn’t fail to send something akin to love through Sirius’s body, as they all do. “Now, I’m not holding you strictly to your word.”

 Sirius smiles. There’s hope returning to his chest.”Don’t worry. I’ll wait.”

 -

 There’s an important timeline of events that happen from this moment forward.

 Sirius starts joining in and going to protests with James, Lily, and Remus. Peter doesn’t.

 Lily and James become a couple, not surprising anyone.

 The band appoints Sirius as their manager and do a small tour around the London area. It’s well perceived.

 James and Lily become proper activists, taking strong stances and not being afraid to take action to accomplish their goal.

 Lily Evans becomes Lily Potter.

 Harry Potter joins the group.

 James and Lily die. They die. It’s unexpected. It’s tragic. Remus was away on a trip and Peter was driving the car and some will say it was an accident and some will say it wasn’t but they crashed and Sirius was in the front seat with Peter and they were both thrown out the front window and Harry should have died but he didn’t and they couldn’t even find Peter’s fucking body and Sirius hit his head and had a reputation for going to protests so they didn’t trust what he said so he was blamed for it on trial. Sirius didn’t know that life could be so unfair.

 Sirius gets his life sentence.  

 Sirius escapes twelve years later.

 Sirius meets Harry Potter again.

 Sirius finds Remus.

 Remus goes on the run with Sirius.

 Peter is fucking found and confesses and Sirius’s sentence is lifted.

 Remus teaches Sirius proper piano.

 Some thirty years later, Sirius Black becomes Sirius Lupin.

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully you can't tell that the first and second part of this was written six months apart haha
> 
> thanks for reading!!! i had a lot of fun writing this and i hope you enjoyed it!


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